Mid Year

Teach me more things, I said. In this limited time I need more explanations. I asked a lot of questions before and I am tired of asking "why"... and "how"..

Emotional Communication

Lately, I'm starting to distinguish people by their emotional communication quality. Those who are indifferent, no matter how awesome they are, are starting to be those whom I get rid of.

I might have been a very tolerant person before. I could stay cool with selfish people who come to me when they need me, and gone when they don't. But I think I can't be like that anymore. Long term relationship, can only be guaranteed by good communications. Both verbal and emotional.

Strong

I enjoy Robbie William's songs during weekend. This boring and lonely weekend feels better with his lyrics. For some reasons I don't feel strong enough to face the days ahead. I know there are some tasks I must do, but I feel powerless. I can't manage my concentration to finish them all soon. I even feel nervous to let them stepping into my face. I need a leave. A long, long, and far away leave. If only I had much money to go. If only....

Now let's sing with Robbie. "STRONG".

My breath smells of a thousand fags And when I'm drunk I dance like me Dad I've started to dress a bit like him Early morning when I wake up I look like Kiss but without the make up And that's a good line to take it to The bridge And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow so before I'm old I'll confess You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song My bed's full of takeaways and fantasies Of easy lays The pause button's broke on my video And is this real cos I feel fake Oprah Winfrey Ricki Lake Teach me things I don't need to know And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And it's starting to show so before I'm old I'll confess You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song If I did it all again I'd be a nun The rain was never cold when I was young I'm still young we're still young Life's too short to be afraid Step inside the sun And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame

Sanctuary

I am looking for a sanctuary. I am feeling not so good. It's 2,5 month before the announcement and I feel a bit nervous. To be honest, it's like my last try. I don't know what's gonna be my second plan after this. I just know that I don't wanna stay here anymore. I need a new phase.

They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the
thunder knew that someone had to stop the rain

Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah
(Janie's Got a Gun, Aerosmith)


.....

The PMS Diary

Admit it. Estrogen and progesterone don't work well together on PMS and period. They make your thought scattered, one topic to another. You can't arrange them into a hierarchical priority topics. What happen is that the bad topic is always being put on the top. For no reason, you NEVER KNOW WHY.

It's gonna be a good idea: let's take notes on every "hot topic" that arises each month, and analyze the pattern :D For example, how many percent is the "love" topic, "family" topic, and so on. I have an assumption that the topic which becomes the top priority while we're having period is actually the hidden anxiety in our subconsciousness.

Why hidden anxiety should be taken into account? Dunno :) I just think it's interesting!

No Signal

It's been a month or more. I feel like letting myself alone. There's a bit loneliness, yet I feel comfort. I feel free, and easier to move. I can enjoy my day with anything I like - by mostly - shopping!

Almost three years being physically single has made me so emotionally independent. Although, in the same way, I forgot how to read men's mind :) That's how I feel when I misinterpreted the signals from some guys whom I met. Or is it because the men I met were mostly diplomats, who are professionally disallowed to express their personal interests? I dunno. I just feel like my radar is running out of its ability to catch pheromone signals :)

Dondurma, Can You Wait for a While?

It's June already. 3 months to September. I suddenly feel awkward while joining our office's retreat at Tanjung Lesung. We were happy, a little awkward in the beginning but soon turned to be fun! I felt the togetherness during the fun games session that lasted until it ends. But when I realized what I've been expecting to come on September, I felt that this togetherness might not be long.

We are expecting a field project at several places in Indonesia, in which I could be involved. But the fact that the Scholarship announcement will be held on September the middle, I can sense that I am running out of time.

Suddenly I want to visit many places in Indonesia before I leave. I want to dive in Tidung, Bira, or Sepa island. I want to fly to Raja Ampat. I wanna see the waterfalls in West Java. I wanna go to Tanjung Karang beach in Palu. I have 3 months left. I hope I'll make it.

Single or not to be Single

Heheh love this title :D

I've just read a blog of someone who is proud to be single. Or, yeah, prolly got confused but then decided to be proud of being single. I'm not gonna judge her for her choice, but I guess the only consistent woman who is proud being single is my auntie. 70ish, single, and consistent.

Why did I say that? 'Coz 'single women wannabe' are always trapped in their unstable emotion. You may find them in an office, where they're being employed for decades, as a person who always in a war with others. They are known as selfish, arrogant, yet sensitive and attention-seekers. They can roar showing off their authority, but when they feel like being left out - they cry.

They are stranded and trapped in ambition of being the best. However, they never know why they have to pursue it. Prolly they just want to compensate their loneliness.

I used to live single for such a long time, happy with my singleness but worried for my loneliness. Busy with unknown ambition, lost in a bad-tempered attitude then ended up being lonely. If I remember those days, I m so grateful that I've passed the days of being "confused".

I feel my life is light and easier now, happy with achievements I got (not "made", coz I just let them come themselves to me), friends around me, and opportunities that politely knock on my door. Love and relationship are complicated game, but once you get the right card, you may control them.

I am easily saying now, that I want to get married and raise a dearly family. Dream job can wait, but the opportunity of raising your own kids is limited.

Some women are too afraid of marriage. Usually, they have a trauma back then, when they experienced a divorce. Or, they're too afraid of loosing their liberty. They were raised in a circumstance where women are strictly forbidden to speak. These fears create paradigm that marriage is an enemy for freedom.

I personally choose to achieve both my freedom of speech as well as marriage. By working hard and use my rational choice, I seek for the top of my achievement, be proud of whatever I can get, and be grateful.  Meanwhile, a romantic relationship won't come if I don't cultivate my interpersonal skill. Positive reputation among the people around you is essential. However, good reputation comes from a peaceful heart. Your personality represents your inner side. In a nutshell, I try to balance my own ambition by letting my glass half filled. You can't have everything in basket. Give others a space.

Some of my single friends say that they haven't meet their Mr Right. I dunno what Mr Right is, but choosing a husband is like doing an investment. You need a rational choice, because he'll live with you till you die. There's also a risk to be considered but no one's perfect. All you need is a brave heart to start the business. Invest, control the ups and down, and manage the risk.

As long as I know, 'you'll get what you give'. How people treat you depends on how you behave. If you protect yourself, you won't be harmed. If you hurt people, they will hurt you in return. 

For those who decide to be single like my aunt, consistency is a must. I'm proud of her for enjoying her single life without complaining till now. She faces life bravely and independently. But I must say that being single does make her self-centered and a bit anti-social. That's the consequences she must face.

Well, this year, I confess that I don't wanna be single forever :) 

Rose of Versailles

This used to be one of my favorite comic when I was a teenager, after spending my childhood with the European comics. Compared to the other japanese girl-comic, Rose of Versailles hooked me with its historical, yet controversial story.

Oscar Francois de Jarjayes, the hero in this comic, is a young girl who was raised a man. She ought to be the successor of her father, a commander of the French Royal Guard. Struggling with a dilemma between her responsibility as the Royal family's guard and her sympathy to the revolutionists, her life was full of glory and agony at the same time.

As a teenager, this controversial story between morality and immorality must be very 'romantic'. I agree that the bisexuality and the political issue in the story is not a consumption for someone whose psychology is not stable. Teenager, whose thought is still blended between rationality and irrationality, could be easily driven by the idea of abnormal sexual orientation. For those who are more stable but family is facing hard times or parents are divorce , this comic could emphasize whatever paradigms occur in the teenager's mind.

When I was young, Oscar's personality amazed me. Feeling different with my female peers, I found a justification of my boyish-masculine personality in Oscar. Even my ideal man is represented in Andre, Oscar's true love. Andre was the grandson of The Jarjayes family's servant, lived as Oscar's childhood friend and be her best friend and personal adjutant till they both grown up. .

Some points in the plot came into reality. I visited Marie Antoinette's childhood palace in Austria, the Schonbrunn palace in 1999. My job now is related to politics, diplomacy, and the government.

However, I took some positive values from this comic. The idea of "dignity", "egalitarianism", "braveness", "hardworking to success" and "friendship" had emphasized what my parents had thought me.

I also read Ryoko Ikeda's other comics, The Window of Orpheus. This comic had lead me to take another piano lesson in Jakarta Conservatory then had my recital twice! ^_^ (to be continued)

Sate Padang Ajo Ramon.. LAMAK BANA!

Last night I eventually fulfilled my friend, Ibet's longing for Sate Padang"Ajo Ramon". She's been asking me to drop by at Pasar Santa everytime we go home from work and I refuse, due to the traffic.

The stall was located in the parking lot of Pasar Santa, the traditional market, in South Jakarta. It opens in the afternoon until midnight. Like any other satay stalls, it is constructed by a such simple tent covered by plastic sheeting and banners.

The seller is preparing the sauce, while his assistant is grilling the satays. Some ketupat (rice cake) are hanging on the cart's puncheon.

We were impressed by the scrumptious taste... Omg...! As we hit the satay, the beef juice melted in our mouth, mixed with the spicy seasoning of the sauce! No bitter tasted as we found in the other Sate Padang stalls we visited before!

We ordered a half portion for each, contains with five skewers of satay and some ketupat (rice cake) 'coz we know we're fat already.. he he he :p

Great Sate Padang always has a great sauce. And that's what we got from Sate Padang Ajo Ramos. It is made from the mixture of beef stock and rice flour, added with other seasonings like onion, garlic, pepper, chili, coriander, caraway, and some roots like galangal, ginger, and lemon grass. Sometimes they added mashed peanuts inside. They pour some crispy onions as the finishing touch. You can see the stock's shiny texture from the picture above and let me tell you: it tastes good! 

This makes Sate Padang can be eaten in various way. When you're finished with the beef (some skewers also contains with heart, tongue or intestine) and you don't have more ketupat, keep enjoying your Sate Padang by slurping the sauce with kerupuk kulit, the crackers made from cow's skin.

The nice couple beside us are enjoying their kerupuk kulit

hurmmm dip it deep, soak it yummy!!!

The crackers baskets are available on every table!

Beside kerupuk kulit, you may eat your Sate Padang with keripik singkong balado, crisps made from cassava and chili. Both crackers will make you addicted, trust me!

One full portion of Sate Padang costs Rp.15.000,-, while the half portion costs Rp. 8000,-. All the crackers cost Rp. 3000. Drinks like hot tea, iced tea, mineral water or bottle tea are available in a normal price. Ajo Ramon also offers catering service. 

After 5 days working, I feel pampered with the yummy food I tasted last night :) Life is good!

Congrats, Congrats!

I missed out a good news :)
My former colleague, Nurul has got her dream job! Lookin at her Facebook wall, I raised a big smile reading the word "UNHCR" at her "work at" section. What a great achievement! I remember when she told me that she's craving for a career in the UN, aside from her anxiety of being single and hasn't found a guy yet :) I hope this dream job will lead to another achievement, in a personal basis :) Congratulation, Nurul!