Bon Anniversaire!

Again, my birthday. Was very surprising because everything happened so lovely. I woke up in the morning and mom asked our maid to make Nasi Uduk for me. I really didn't know her intention when she insisted to buy Abon in the supermarket yesterday. It was for my Nasi Uduk! :)

In the office, our education department (SDM Iptek) bought us free lunch from D'Cost's Restaurant's delivery! Everyone related it to my birthday.. ha ha ha! We had lunch together in the hall. Then continued our meeting in Oen Pao. Again, I got free bakpao!

The Bagel's shop behind my office had a special promo today. Through its Twitter account, they announced a free bagel menu for anyone who's celebrating his birthday! I instantly follow them on twitter and mentioned them just to say "Hey! It's my birthday todaaay!". Then I went there after office hour , showed them my ID card and got one portion of Bacon Cheese and Egg!!! :))

The calories continued at home. I opened my fridge and found a big plate of birthday chocolate cake made by our bakers :) Mom and Dad ate them together and we took photos, something's really rare since 30 years ago, I guess.

My romantic boyfriend wrote on my facebook wall and inbox, a very sweet message and birthday wishes! And we chatted a little while he was still under the blanket (it was 1:15 at his local time) and 6:16 Jakarta time! He also posted me a cute picture on my fb wall. A big red heart with a big writing below it: I LOVE YOU!

I love you too, my dear all.  :)

The Missing Piece

Another song has struck me. This song is from Anggun, "Only Love".

Glory fades away when you realize that you've been searching for a missing piece. Walking around in bling-blings on your high heels won't make you relieved. But the blue sky, branches of tree, brings you back to what you seek.

I've been searching for a missing piece. And it's been more than two decades. I'm amazed how long the road I've been through. And how rich I've got for my experiences. How super my achievements are.

I hope it'll be ended with that missing piece.

Time Has Flown (again)

Here we go, the 30's. Last weekend I went to a reunion party of my junior high school. We haven't met each other for 16 years. I realize that I might be one of the few girls who are not married yet. And this fact has given me a feeling about how different we are now.

When I met the other girls, I was amazed to see how "old" they are :) I am not saying that they have wrinkles, but the way they behave was so different. They did not speak in a such manner they used to do. Many of them wore veil and brought their son or daughters. I did not recognize them, since they were so different 16 years ago. 

Some of them don't work anymore, and live as a full housewife. It gave me a little twitch in my head. Is that what happens when you're married with children? Ten years ago I couldn't imagine about living without job or career. Five years ago I felt lucky of being able to expand my adventurous career journey and networks. One  year ago I felt blessed for finally reaching the identity that I wanted.

I must say that in this phase I wanted to step into a new life called marriage. Being a housewife for my husband and a mom for my kids.Taking care of them with my whole maternal instinct, breast feeding my kids, cook them my best recipe (heheh wish me luck! I can't cook!), hug and cheer them up when they're sad, and be a part of the process when they grow. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes my parent did to me.

But it doesn't mean that I would stop what I've been doing. It's not about the job or career. It's more like the opportunity to implement my intellectual and skill for the society. I am glad I have a boyfriend who's proud of what I'm doing. It means he would support whatever I will do to express myself and being productive. In the other side, he is a family man whom I adore. He will balance me as parents.  I can't imagine if I had a husband who' s too busy with himself and ignoring his children. I am a kid who undergone growing 'fatherless', and 'motherless'. I know how hurt it feels. I thank God for being survived.

I love you

A forever friend you hang out with, a lover whom you share your hugs and kisses, a clown you can laugh with, a guard you are protected by, a leader you respect to, a policeman you are being watched by, a teacher you often ask to, a baby you take care of, a partner. That is you. I love you.

Me: The New Episode

I am not exaggerating, but yes, here is the new me. A broken relationship, a new love, the struggle for Turkish scholarship and Ramadan have brought me to a new phase of life. I've changed my paradigm instantly and feel blessed for that.

Since July, if I may say "just a few days before Ramadan", I feel the need of certainty and security in life get stronger. Aside from the reality and difficulties that have been thwarting me, I came to the point that "there must be a certain way for a  certainty". That was the moment when I decided to look back, and give my deepest bow to The Greatest Creator.

To Love a Woman

All right, I'm getting a little bit romantic this moment :D

But no, I m telling you the truth. Bryan Adam knows this, and his song struck me in 1995 with its lyric. I was 15 that year, sitting on my aunt's couch in Bilthoven, while watching the video clip. These beautiful phrases formed the concept of being loved in my mind, and it works on me now.

"Hear every thought, see every dream
and give her wings if she wants to fly."

"She needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever."

I think Bryan Adam must be awarded Nobel for singing this phrase with that Spanish guitar :)

Ladies and Gentleman:

Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman
(Bryan Adams)

Watch the Video Clip Here

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?


***
(What if your boyfriend asked your in return, 'have you ever really loved a man?").. pfftt.. stupid question :D

Responsible

I used to define "hardworking" as a money oriented phrase. I was wrong (again). Being a hard-worker won't make you rich. It'll make you free instead.

Free from desire and ambition, that's what I mean. No matter how hard I earned, I was never be able to enjoy what I had. It was always not enough.

Today, I realized that the ultimate goal of hardworking is to make you be responsible, and responsible people deserve a lot. That's the point.