Minggu, 26 Juni 2011

Strong

I enjoy Robbie William's songs during weekend. This boring and lonely weekend feels better with his lyrics. For some reasons I don't feel strong enough to face the days ahead. I know there are some tasks I must do, but I feel powerless. I can't manage my concentration to finish them all soon. I even feel nervous to let them stepping into my face. I need a leave. A long, long, and far away leave. If only I had much money to go. If only....

Now let's sing with Robbie. "STRONG".


My breath smells of a thousand fags
And when I'm drunk I dance like me Dad
I've started to dress a bit like him

Early morning when I wake up
I look like Kiss but without the make up
And that's a good line to take it to
The bridge

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

My bed's full of takeaways and fantasies
Of easy lays
The pause button's broke on my video
And is this real cos I feel fake
Oprah Winfrey Ricki Lake
Teach me things I don't need to know

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And it's starting to show so before
I'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

If I did it all again I'd be a nun
The rain was never cold when I was young
I'm still young we're still young
Life's too short to be afraid
Step inside the sun

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

And you know and you know
Cos my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow

You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

You think that I'm strong you're wrong
You're wrong
I'll sing my song my song my song

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

Life's too short to be afraid
So take a pill to numb the pain
You don't have to take the blame

Rabu, 22 Juni 2011

Sanctuary

I am looking for a sanctuary. I am feeling not so good. It's 2,5 month before the announcement and I feel a bit nervous. To be honest, it's like my last try. I don't know what's gonna be my second plan after this. I just know that I don't wanna stay here anymore. I need a new phase.

They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the
thunder knew that someone had to stop the rain

Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah

(Janie's Got a Gun, Aerosmith)


.....

Kamis, 16 Juni 2011

The PMS Diary

Admit it. Estrogen and progesterone don't work well together on PMS and period. They make your thought scattered, one topic to another. You can't arrange them into a hierarchical priority topics. What happen is that the bad topic is always being put on the top. For no reason, you NEVER KNOW WHY.

It's gonna be a good idea: let's take notes on every "hot topic" that arises each month, and analyze the pattern :D For example, how many percent is the "love" topic, "family" topic, and so on. I have an assumption that the topic which becomes the top priority while we're having period is actually the hidden anxiety in our subconsciousness.

Why hidden anxiety should be taken into account? Dunno :) I just think it's interesting!

Senin, 13 Juni 2011

No Signal

It's been a month or more. I feel like letting myself alone. There's a bit loneliness, yet I feel comfort. I feel free, and easier to move. I can enjoy my day with anything I like - by mostly - shopping!

Almost three years being physically single has made me so emotionally independent. Although, in the same way, I forgot how to read men's mind :) That's how I feel when I misinterpreted the signals from some guys whom I met. Or is it because the men I met were mostly diplomats, who are professionally disallowed to express their personal interests? I dunno. I just feel like my radar is running out of its ability to catch pheromone signals :)

Minggu, 05 Juni 2011

Dondurma, Can You Wait for a While?

It's June already. 3 months to September. I suddenly feel awkward while joining our office's retreat at Tanjung Lesung. We were happy, a little awkward in the beginning but soon turned to be fun! I felt the togetherness during the fun games session that lasted until it ends. But when I realized what I've been expecting to come on September, I felt that this togetherness might not be long.

We are expecting a field project at several places in Indonesia, in which I could be involved. But the fact that the Scholarship announcement will be held on September the middle, I can sense that I am running out of time.

Suddenly I want to visit many places in Indonesia before I leave. I want to dive in Tidung, Bira, or Sepa island. I want to fly to Raja Ampat. I wanna see the waterfalls in West Java. I wanna go to Tanjung Karang beach in Palu. I have 3 months left. I hope I'll make it.