Jumat, 29 Oktober 2010
Tears in Heaven
I've never met her. I've never spoke to her. I dunno how she looks before my friend sent me her dying picture, 2 days before she left us. But ever since he mentioned her within our prior chat in February 2009, I know that she's a beloved person. I remember that time, I was in Enna's studio, working on my illustration job, and he was in his prior office. "LOL grandma's here visiting me in office!" that's what he said. I laughed, imagining grandma comes to his office, drink tea, and they go together to the hospital for her routine check up. "She's a very funny grandma!" that's what he told me.
Every time the topic comes to grandma, he becomes energetic and sincere. I could feel a true, unconditional love, and a warmed-heart energy derived from him. In my opinion, she is the only one with whom he can find a comfort in the family.
Also in 2009, grandma had her first accident. She fell from the taxi and had her bone broken. It was him who take care of her during the post-injury. "I am in grandma's house!" that's what he told me. "She's so little you know, I have to take care of her." November 2009 on my birthday night, I called him by phone for a surprise and it was his grandma who told him that his cellphone's ringing.
That time, I felt a deep loving heart from this funny un-serious guy. An eccentric guy who impressed me 15 years ago with his poems about dragon and knight, and almost made me fainted with his long pink wig before on a concert in Istanbul.
A few days before Eid, after laughing at me for what I did on Ramadan (fasting of course!), he left the web cam to visit his grandma. "I am gonna visit grandma. I wanna buy her something for Bayram. Meat and chocolates. I love her." And I saw a longing in his eyes.
Until one day I saw a status on his FB account. "Car accident."
I asked him through blackberry, was it him who got a car crash. But then he replied "No, it's grandma. She is in comma now" and then he told me about how grandma was hit, when, and how was her condition. I was shocked and I knew it must be something big for him. He was so emotional as well.
I sent him messages every day, although I know he might be busy with hospital, etc. I wanted to know how the progress was going. Then finally he said that grandma will have an operation on Monday. She was wake up on Sunday and he talked to her. I was in Sour Sally when he message me "She talks to me. I tell her about your wish and she welcomed it." Then I asked him to send me her pic. It was the first and last pic of her that I have.
Monday, I asked him in the afternoon about the operation. "It's already started, I guess" he said first. But then when Jakarta was hit by a heavy thundering heavy rain at night, I asked him again "How is the surgery?". Then he replied, "grandma died. I just got the message."
And I was shocked in grief. My tears were falling on my face. I tried to console him but I cried myself. I felt sorry, really sorry for not being able to meet her in person.
He took care of everything, from the hospital to the funeral. He even buried her by his hands himself. I caught a glimpse of what he's done. "Did you pray for the dead corp?" He said "of course!". Hmm.. somebody who said that he doesn't need God and always laughs at me if I do anything related to religion was in the mosque, praying for his beloved. Sounds touchy ;)
Death always makes me cry, I dunno why. That's what I felt when attending Mrs Ainun's funeral. My tears are not the representation of sympathy to the abandoned relatives, but it represents my regret of not being able to interact with the dead person anymore. I feel sorry for not being intense on sharing love.
A song from Eric Clapton makes everything becomes more emotional,
Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.