Tears in Heaven

My friend's grandma passed away last Monday, 21:39 GMT+7 Jakarta time. That should be 16:39 Ankara time, sometime around Ashar prayer time. The tears immediately dropped from my eyes, showering my cheeks.

I've never met her. I've never spoke to her. I dunno how she looks before my friend sent me her dying picture, 2 days before she left us. But ever since he mentioned her within our prior chat in February 2009, I know that she's a beloved person. I remember that time, I was in Enna's studio, working on my illustration job, and he was in his prior office. "LOL grandma's here visiting me in office!" that's what he said. I laughed, imagining grandma comes to his office, drink tea, and they go together to the hospital for her routine check up. "She's a very funny grandma!" that's what he told me.

Every time the topic comes to grandma, he becomes energetic and sincere. I could feel a true, unconditional love, and a warmed-heart energy derived from him. In my opinion, she is the only one with whom he can find a comfort in the family.

Also in 2009, grandma had her first accident. She fell from the taxi and had her bone broken. It was him who take care of her during the post-injury. "I am in grandma's house!" that's what he told me. "She's so little you know, I have to take care of her." November 2009 on my birthday night, I called him by phone for a surprise and it was his grandma who told him that his cellphone's ringing.

That time, I felt a deep loving heart from this funny un-serious guy. An eccentric guy who impressed me 15 years ago with his poems about dragon and knight, and almost made me fainted with his long pink wig before on a concert in Istanbul.

A few days before Eid, after laughing at me for what I did on Ramadan (fasting of course!), he left the web cam to visit his grandma. "I am gonna visit grandma. I wanna buy her something for Bayram. Meat and chocolates. I love her." And I saw a longing in his eyes.

Until one day I saw a status on his FB account. "Car accident."

I asked him through blackberry, was it him who got a car crash. But then he replied "No, it's grandma. She is in comma now" and then he told me about how grandma was hit, when, and how was her condition. I was shocked and I knew it must be something big for him. He was so emotional as well.

I sent him messages every day, although I know he might be busy with hospital, etc. I wanted to know how the progress was going. Then finally he said that grandma will have an operation on Monday. She was wake up on Sunday and he talked to her. I was in Sour Sally when he message me "She talks to me. I tell her about your wish and she welcomed it." Then I asked him to send me her pic. It was the first and last pic of her that I have.

Monday, I asked him in the afternoon about the operation. "It's already started, I guess" he said first. But then when Jakarta was hit by a heavy thundering heavy rain at night, I asked him again "How is the surgery?". Then he replied, "grandma died. I just got the message."

And I was shocked in grief. My tears were falling on my face. I tried to console him but I cried myself. I felt sorry, really sorry for not being able to meet her in person.

He took care of everything, from the hospital to the funeral. He even buried her by his hands himself. I caught a glimpse of what he's done. "Did you pray for the dead corp?" He said "of course!". Hmm.. somebody who said that he doesn't need God and always laughs at me if I do anything related to religion was in the mosque, praying for his beloved. Sounds touchy ;)

Death always makes me cry, I dunno why. That's what I felt when attending Mrs Ainun's funeral. My tears are not the representation of sympathy to the abandoned relatives, but it represents my regret of not being able to interact with the dead person anymore. I feel sorry for not being intense on sharing love.

A song from Eric Clapton makes everything becomes more emotional,

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.

Recharged

I'm off today. I told my boss that I need a rest. Well, after three days suffering from the heavy rain, extreme weather and the insanity of Jakarta traffic, I woke up in the morning with headache and stiffed back. I couldn't even think.

Honestly, one day off is so much relieving. Today I enjoy my day by watching two films: Post Grad, and 500 Days of Summer. The first movie is a teenage drama-comedy, it speaks about a girl with an ambition of pursuing her goals in life but then she gives up and back to her beloved guy. The second film is quiet a good one. Pretty mature, it is not a love story, yet a story of love. My pen friend Kerem has mentioned me about this film and I agree with him to rank it as a full-five-stars movie!

Not to mention the actor and actress, the way they bring the story by such a plot, this is a film of reality. You never know who's gonna be your destiny. You love her so much, but she doesn't love you. You never expected her but she comes to you. I think teenagers have to watch this.

Do these films give me a whack on my head? Heheh... guess so. I become more relaxed, not trying to push everything hard in life. What Ryden's dad said in Post Grad is quiet the same with what 500 Days have told:  "There is no rule".

I just remember a story about Labyrinth. Once upon a time, an Arab King was left in a huge labyrinth walls in Babylonia by the Babylon King. He recites prayer, tried to concentrated, followed his instinct, and then he successfully found the exit gate. He admitted the good building developed by the Babylons. In the next day, he kidnapped the Babylon King, and left him alone in the endless desert of Arabia. "This is our labyrinth. No walls, nothing on it. Good luck, my friend!" said the Arab King.

Geezh, how time has flown away before me, and I survived :)

Stop Insisting, don't Stop Believing!

Hehehe.. I lost my weight. Three months ago it was 63,5 kg. Today it's 57 kg! Yaaaaay!!!

I started by going to an acupuncturist whom my friend used to visit. I got two acupuncture sessions for 15 minutes each. During the one week interval, I consumed one slimming pill a day. I lost 1,5 kg in the first week. After two weeks consuming the pills and having the acupuncture session for twice, I stop the method and try to continue my new eating pattern.

The needles and the pills only helped my brain to stop feeling "hungry". I can't depend on them all the time, for diet pills will cause bad effect if they're consumed for a long period of time.

I control my diet by calculating my needed calories. There are websites that can help you to calculate it. Then I just follow it, and make sure my everyday meals don't exceed the limit.

I change my old paradigm. I find some facts about nutrition, health, and how the body responds the food we take. I visit my friend's mother in the hospital who got a stroke. Those facts help me in choosing what I eat carefully.  I even stop eating packaged and junk food. I know they use preservatives and I don't want those 'fake' freshness entering my body.

I thank God that fresh foods are easy to find around my office. Warteg foods are usually fresh and home-made. They are cheap too! For USD 1, I can have a plate of rice, one big fish and a portion of fresh vegetables. All of them contains 300-330 calories. That's enough and yummy too!

Another method is by changing my breakfast menu. I used to grab a slice of bread with chocolate paste. Now I enjoy oatmeal porridge which is yummy too. I thank God I am not like other people who hates oatmeal. I love the taste! Oatmeal contains good carbohydrate and lots of fiber. It suppresses hunger until lunch time comes.

My motivations in loosing weight and being slim are typical: guys (woohoo!), long lasting beauty, and then long lasting healthy body. Being slim gives me more freedom in wearing anything I like too!

Therefore, I enjoy this diet. It's not hard and I don't feel obsessive of being slim. I can still enjoy my meals and snacks. I just calculate my intake calories everyday and control them!